Anniversary Effect

Anniversaries – I thought that my daughter’s birthday would be the hardest anniversary for me to deal with, but I’ve noticed that I’m not struggling as much with that specific day as I am in the 3 – 4 months leading up to it.

I was talking to my husband the other weekend, and I made a comment about my co-worker saying that I was making a big deal out of her birthday. (I’ve been planning her party for a while now. I want the invitations to be just so. I want the food / menu to be planned out in advance, and I want it to fit the theme of her party. I’ve started buying the favors for the kids. I’ve researched the local parks, to try and pick a location.) My husband said that I’m getting a bit obsessive, and I did the same thing last year. However, he did say that I’m better than I was last year, so that’s good – right? To me, I’m not planning a monster party. I am planning to make all of the food ourselves. I’m planning to invite the same people who were there last year – grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, and close family friends who were there the night that peanut was born. To me, this isn’t a hire a clown, or face painter, or pony, over the top kind of party. I’m not inviting her entire class from daycare – 14 2 year olds running around – YIKES! I want to have it at a local park, but that’s because I want the kids to be able to play on the playground instead of having games. Since peanut is only going to be two, I think games are kind of pointless.

Anyhow, that conversation has been bothering me a little. It’s been hanging out in the back of my mind like a tickle in your throat that won’t go away. I realized that I started planning the party at the same time of the year that I started experiencing complications during my pregnancy. This obsession, compulsion, planning kick is completely the result of the anniversary of things starting to go to hell, and I’m trying to CONTROL what’s going to happen in the upcoming months since I was completely out of control during those months of my pregnancy.

Isn’t that kind of weird? Oh well, it’s “better than last year”, so I guess I’ll have to ride it out again. Her birthday doesn’t seem to be as horrible as the months leading up to it. I guess by that time, I’m emotionally exhausted from everything else. The good thing about that is that I can actually somewhat enjoy her party. I’m also not stressing about her party falling on Mother’s Day this year, so that’s a huge bonus. I guess I’m starting to be able to separate my experiences as a mom from my experience with her birth.