I was triggered yesterday. I have to admit that I was struggling a bit before I set foot in the door. Once I left work, and started to drive out there, I found myself having some intrusive thoughts about running into my former OB. My concern with every new doctor is which section of the clinic they work out of, I'm terrified that I may bump into my former doctor on my way to an appointment with a new doctor. Anyhow, I saw the only doctor at my clinic that does the essure procedure. (Thank God, it was a woman.) We were discussing my candidacy for the procedure, and she went back through my hospital notes in great detail. That was a sure-fire way to make me feel like a freak of nature. Then suggested having another child by c-section - since no one would blame me for making that decision after my difficult first delivery. When I turned that suggestion down, she suggested I bring my ipod along to "relax' me during the actual procedure. She had no way of knowing that my husband and nurses used my ipod as a distraction for me in the first couple of hours out of surgery, so I wouldn't ask a lot of questions about what had happened. (I had a brief flashback in the appointment over this one.) And, followed all of that up with a quick exam to analyze my anatomy for the procedure.
By the time I left, I was really struggling. I was shaking, edgy, anxious, and having intrusive thoughts. I was planning to take the rest of the afternoon off, but I made the decision to go back to work instead. Within a half hour of getting back to work, the worst of the intrusive thoughts had gone away, and the shaking had subsided. I was still a bit edgy, and anxious, but those symptoms take me longer to deal with than the others.
Overall I was better in a couple of hours because I've learned to read my body and symptoms. I've learned how to deal with them - acknowledging them, and switching them up. And, finally I've learned to cut myself a little slack when it happens. I still find an occasional new trigger, but the disease itself is becoming manageable in a way I never believed that it could be managed.
By the way, I also managed to advocate for myself during this whole encounter. I was upfront with her about my PTSD diagnosis, and I made her aware of my need for a great deal of communication to cope with medical procedures. I also made her aware that my daughter's birth caused the PTSD, so she was really trying to be sensitive of my needs. She didn't quite make it, but she definitely tried.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Giving Birth Online
Dear Radio Station Host-
I know that it's "news" that someone in our community chose to broadcast their child's birth live on the internet. I can understand choosing to play the end of this event on the radio once to encourage conversation. However, I do not understand choosing to replay it over, and over, and over again. Just because you found the experience of giving birth to be the best moment of your life doesn't mean that every other mother or father feels the same way about their children's birth.
The sound of a newborn's cry can be amazing, but it can also be terrifying when it doesn't happen. Just stab the knife into every mom or dad whose baby was rushed to the NICU by replaying those sounds over and over again. What about the mom who gives birth to a stillborn child. That's a knife in the heart to those moms as well because they didn't and will never hear the sound of that baby crying in those moments. What about moms who have complications after the baby is born. The sounds of a baby's cry can shove them back into the delivery room where people are flooding the room trying to save mom's life.
I know society chooses to portray giving birth as joyful, fulfilling, amazing and miraculous, but that isn't every woman's experience. I work as a moderator on a forum for moms who are struggling with birth trauma. They've had experiences that leave them with mental health issues like PPD, PTSD, and other postpartum mood disorders. Everyday with their new child is a challenge. Listening to your broadcast replaying those moments can cause a mom with PTSD to have nightmares, flashbacks, and other anxiety issues. I know because I suffered from them yesterday and last night.
Women who don't have the great birth experience often feel isolated. They're not allowed to talk about their child's birth because society doesn't accept these experiences as valid. When a woman tried to talk about it, she gets shut down. She's told not to share her experiences with other women who are pregnant. Trust me, talking about hemorrhaging at a baby shower will get a woman verbally shot down in less than 30 seconds. The last thing they need are more reminders that "they did something wrong" or "they failed".
Please consider that not everyone experiences things the same way before you decide to replay a soundtrack of a very emotional experience over the air.
Concerned Listener
I know that it's "news" that someone in our community chose to broadcast their child's birth live on the internet. I can understand choosing to play the end of this event on the radio once to encourage conversation. However, I do not understand choosing to replay it over, and over, and over again. Just because you found the experience of giving birth to be the best moment of your life doesn't mean that every other mother or father feels the same way about their children's birth.
The sound of a newborn's cry can be amazing, but it can also be terrifying when it doesn't happen. Just stab the knife into every mom or dad whose baby was rushed to the NICU by replaying those sounds over and over again. What about the mom who gives birth to a stillborn child. That's a knife in the heart to those moms as well because they didn't and will never hear the sound of that baby crying in those moments. What about moms who have complications after the baby is born. The sounds of a baby's cry can shove them back into the delivery room where people are flooding the room trying to save mom's life.
I know society chooses to portray giving birth as joyful, fulfilling, amazing and miraculous, but that isn't every woman's experience. I work as a moderator on a forum for moms who are struggling with birth trauma. They've had experiences that leave them with mental health issues like PPD, PTSD, and other postpartum mood disorders. Everyday with their new child is a challenge. Listening to your broadcast replaying those moments can cause a mom with PTSD to have nightmares, flashbacks, and other anxiety issues. I know because I suffered from them yesterday and last night.
Women who don't have the great birth experience often feel isolated. They're not allowed to talk about their child's birth because society doesn't accept these experiences as valid. When a woman tried to talk about it, she gets shut down. She's told not to share her experiences with other women who are pregnant. Trust me, talking about hemorrhaging at a baby shower will get a woman verbally shot down in less than 30 seconds. The last thing they need are more reminders that "they did something wrong" or "they failed".
Please consider that not everyone experiences things the same way before you decide to replay a soundtrack of a very emotional experience over the air.
Concerned Listener
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