Surrender, part 2

I don't know what's going on, but it seems like I'm getting bombarded with thoughts about surrender. Not two days after I posted my first post on this did I use it as an example for another mom, and since then I've used it another couple of times. Who knew that this concept would strike a chord with so many women?

Anyhow, I wanted to utilize another analogy for discussing the topic because it came to me on another forum.

I've had to work through my thoughts on this. I've learned to view my pregnancy and delivery as a castle under seige. Each time some complication was discovered, the enemy, I mean medical staff, advanced on my position. Each time, I lost a little bit more ground. By the time I arrived at the hospital, I had only a tiny square of land to fight on, and as the delivery grew to a close, I lost even that. You see I had to make peace with the concept of surrender. I surrendered to the medical professionals because it was the only way I could live. I surrendered to them because I was too compromised to continue fighting against the overwhelming forces.

What a way to think of the situation. My daughter's birth felt like I was under seige. Everyone taking away my choices leaving me with no or few options for protecting my people - daughter, husband, family, and friends- or myself. When surrounded by overwhelming forces, when your food stores run out, when your well runs dry, your choices are surrender or die. Is that a choice?

There's a certain amount of surrender that's inherent to pregnancy. Your body is not your own. Foods that you hated you suddenly crave. Foods that you craved suddenly make you ill. Your body changes astronomically from one day to the next. Your hormones take over, and you lose a small piece of yourself. It's not all bad. You become more than you were. You're ripening, filled, glowing, but you can't fight the changes.

At first, you believe the medical staff are your allies. You don't realize that they're lions in sheep's clothing until much later. They tell you that you have choices, that you're in control, that they work for you, but that first complication takes away a choice. The second complication takes away more choices. Pretty soon, you realize that it's all a lie. They've breached your castle gates, and the only choice you have left is surrender.

I still believe that there's power in surrendering. I still believe that choice holds the ultimate power. There are times to fight, and times to walk away. Birth was a time to walk away, and NOW is the time to fight.