I've been struggling with this for several weeks. I haven't written about it because I'm still not sure what to say. It all started with this article. I saw it on my SOLACE support forum. I fell into the 4 1/2% of women who chose formula feeding as a result of their birth trauma / PTSD. I was okay with that decision at the time, and throughout my daughter's time on formula. Why I'm looking for answers now, I don't know.
I started haunting a breastfeeding / formula feeding debate board. I know my counselor would be crawling up my butt about this, but I think my brain is trying to process something. I don't know quite what yet, but it's definitely working on something. I felt compelled to respond to a post on there about formula feeding being selfish. I get so frustrated that no one admits that the decision to breastfeed can be just as selfish as choosing formula feeding. That article cites that the other half of women who experience PTSD / birth trauma choose to breastfeed to "make it up to their babies" or "prove that they're a real woman". Those aren't exactly selfless reasons to breastfeed. Why are formula feeders labeled as selfish, while breastfeeders are labeled as being better? Anyhow, it got a lot of people's backs up. I'm not typically a stir the pot kind of gal, but I seem to be compelled lately to behave in this atypical manner. No one seems to know how to respond to my belief that mental health issues are a valid reason for making the decision to formula feed. I seem to post, and the thread just dies.
Do women really believe that birth is this hunky dory, happy go-lucky, joyful experience all of the time? Why can't we face the reality of birth? Most of the time it is flowers, sunshine, and joy, but sometimes it's like finding yourself in the pit of hell. At least that's where I found myself. I wish I could say it was a happy time for us, but my husband and I both had issues to work through. We both struggled in those early weeks. My husband didn't hold our daughter until she was almost 8 weeks old. I had problems with nightmares, flashbacks, and being touched. Those weeks were horrible.
Anyhow, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm looking for. Maybe I'll find it, maybe not, but I have to exhaust my options.
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