A New Start

2009 has finally arrived, and with it I'm hoping for a new start. I'm feeling pretty strong again. When things get overwhelming, when I'm sinking into the PTSD hell, I can never remember what I typically feel like. It's so easy to get bogged down in the sadness, the anger, the fear, and the despair. I'm used to feeling edgy, like a strong wind could tip me over, like I'm a step away from the mental hospital, but today I feel like a million bucks.

My daughter said, "I love you" for the very first time. She's reached such a fun age. I'm glad I took the time, money and energy to keep fighting for healing, so that I have the opportunity to enjoy her now. I'm finally strong enough to want a memento of what I've been through, so my husband bought me a Mother's ring for Christmas. I wouldn't have been able to put it on everyday during the last year, but now I am. I can finally see that there's more to being a mom than just giving birth, unfortunately, last year that was all I could see.

I'm hoping these feelings continue. I hope to keep living. I hope to keep being me.