Choices

Should patients be “allowed” to make their own choices about their care? Should they be entitled to make the final decision? There are some situations that are truly emergent. In those situations, does the patient lose their right to choose?

Obviously, each situation is unique. There are times when different doctors have different opinions about how to treat a patient. Isn’t that why we “get a second opinion”? We’re trying to decide what course of treatment to follow. Do we have surgery, take medicine, or ignore it and do nothing? In my case, the doctor tried three different treatments before he successfully corrected the problem. Shouldn’t it have been my choice which one to try? He tried applying cord traction, he tried to manually remove the placenta, and he finally performed a D & C before he got it out. Was this a reasonable course of treatment? He did start with the least invasive procedure, but if there was time to try three different treatments there was time to talk to me about it before he started performing them. He didn’t believe it was emergent when he started on the cord traction. He didn’t believe it was emergent when he tried prying it out. He didn’t label it as emergent until he needed surgical assistance, and even then it was HIS choice, not mine. Maybe if we’d discussed it right away it wouldn’t have been so chaotic. If he’d talked about it right away maybe we could have requested help BEFORE it became emergent. Maybe I would have processed the whole thing as a medical procedure instead of a rape, a violation, an abuse. Maybe if he’d discussed it, he would have known the anesthesia wasn’t working and recommended a different course of action. Would I have chosen going straight to surgery? I don’t know. I probably would have followed the course he thought was best, but at least I would have had the opportunity to ask questions, provide necessary information about pain relief, and OWN my decision. I would have understood, who, what, why, when and where. I wouldn’t have been locked in darkness, despair and fear.

We deserve to make our own choices. When we choose, we can accept our responsibility for what happened. We “own” the choice. It’s hard to own someone else’s choice. It’s hard to take responsibility for someone else’s actions. I wish I owned the choices that night, but I was nothing, a uterus, a vessel, a doll.

I didn’t deserve to be objectified. I didn’t deserve to be ignored. I didn’t deserve to be treated like a liar and an over-reactor. I didn’t deserve to be deceived.

I did deserve the opportunity to participate in making my own healthcare decisions. I did deserve them listening to me. I did deserve owning my decision. I am and was an autonomous, capable, intelligent woman who was more than able to make difficult decisions regarding my care. I didn’t need a protector, a god, or a physician dictating my choices. It should have been my choice. I paid him to guide me. I wanted his advice. I didn’t give him the right to take away my choice, my power, or my autonomy.